But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i will never coherently bang her
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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