Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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