Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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