Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
