she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
