We named our party play list daddy issues
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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