Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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