I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
