I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
