Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
