this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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