I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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