So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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