All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
