At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
