Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
