This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
