i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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