just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
