they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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