Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
