Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
