I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Is Oprah even human
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
