we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
