I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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