i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
