i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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