I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
