in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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