Me. At least after what I've been through.
I met the friendliest cop last night
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
