grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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