roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
