got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
