There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
