I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
