I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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