how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
