kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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