You work out of a Hotel?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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