Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
this will be a night to untag.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
