Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Someone came in the potted fern
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
