Is it because I queefed?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
