i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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