yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
