Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
