I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
