Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
