I just threw up on my dentist
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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