What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
