when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
