Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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