Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
