you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
