Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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