just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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