new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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