I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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