Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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