I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
