Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
