I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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