I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
