you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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