the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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