The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
