He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
